like, really, what is it
Haha, now you know that I am really trying to figure out what Elemenopy actually is. At the beginning of LAST year I started thinking about what it was, and what I wanted from it (which I hoped what tell me what it should be), but I just couldn’t figure it out. One thing is for sure: it has never ever been about making money, which is why it’s not a business, but maybe it’s art? (I’m cracking up right now.) Of course I’ve had plenty of fantasies about quitting my job and becoming a craftswoman, but that’s just terrifying. It seems somewhat fiscally irresponsible to leave behind a place where titles such as “rock star” and “guru” are bestowed upon me to become a jack of all trades, master of none. A little office humor for ya back there ;)
So, like, remember the beginning of last year?
I started 2020 with my beloved stepfather of 30 years shuffling off this mortal coil, and I was doing nothing but working and being with my mom until mid-March when everything changed for everyone. It felt ridiculous to peddle wares AND still have a job while others struggled. Plus what am I even doing at all, with or without a pandemic? Did I want to continue just doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it? (yes) Did I want to come up with cohesive seasonal collections? (not really) Did I want to continue using Etsy, or go more relaxed and just have people contact me to purchase? (well i’m still not sure, but i’ve let everything on etsy expire) So, like, as the year went on, there became all these other things to think about and this Elemenopy work seemed not so important.
Now it’s the middle of THIS year, and I still don’t know! I haven’t been doing shit, folks. That’s not true, but I haven’t touched a bead. I have ideas and things I want to try , but also, like, I don’t feel compelled. I don’t have a good work space, the light is bad, I’m tired! I’m hot! (Or a few months ago: I’m cold!) I don’t want to deal with the Instagram a*g*r*t*m, and that’s sort of my whole connection to anybody who might be interested in things I make. It’s super fun to barely break 20 likes when I post. No, it’s fine, I love it.
I don’t want to fail or be embarrassed or become obsolete.
I am obviously having a bead-related existential crisis, but also I kind of don’t care?
Am I figuring it out right now as I type this?
Okay, maybe I’m going to just do whatever whenever and see what happens. Or nothing forever. Thanks for listening. Stay with me IF YOU DARE